Does your life plan suck? Or are you just plain lazy? Worry not, here are the top 10 ways on how you can earn your first million in one year.
10. Join A Game Show
Nowadays game shows are so popular they’re ridiculous. But who’s complaining? Game shows are all about the biggest cash prizes you’ll ever see in one lifetime; one win and you’ll be living on Easy Street for the rest of your life. What better way to earn a million than to play on one of these shows? Plus, most of the time joining is easy. Some game shows accept entries through text messages, others ridicule themselves even further by including in-home partners and other gimmicks. If you’re lazy and don’t want to waste your time pondering over who was the 21st President of the United States, be a home partner and let your friend do all the dirty work.
9. Become An Identity Thief
Accessing your money
Becoming an identity thief is no easy task, but neither is earning a million in a year. The good thing is that once you’ve achieved identity thief-ness, you can pretty much do all you want and still get your first million. An identity thief is all about being someone else, stealing real cash, and wrecking people’s lives. Exciting, isn’t it? These days some people’s math skills have sunk so low they can’t even put two and two together without looking at the computer. So they call this the “Industrial Revolution”? Thanks anyway.
8. Set Up A Fraud Donation Site
Creating a Site
This one’s about stealing people’s hard-earned money and making them feel good about it. At least that’s one less burden on your conscience, right? Think about the biggest issues the world is facing nowadays. Global warming, overpopulation, racial discrimination, animal life extinction, severe deforestation and more. So what about a Save Our Forests website? For every $100 donated, the benefactor saves 1 square foot of forest area. Heartwarming, isn’t it? More like pure genius on your part. The world is full of rich and lazy people, those who’d rather spend a million dineros on some vague and unknown activist group based somewhere in Yugoslavia than plant a tree in their backyard. And it’s time to steal their money! Where’s the love, brother?
7. Set-Up A Social Networking Site That’s 90% Adult Pop Ads, 10% Social Networking Site
The popup ads
MySpace and Facebook are two of the most visited sites of 2007. The point: adult pop ads! If you want to earn your first million, and you want to do it real soon, then it’s time to build your own social networking site. These websites attract millions of users everyday—from teenagers to CEOs to sexual predators. But nobody likes pop ads, you say. Trying saying that again while semi-nude pictures of Maria Sharapova are flashing on your screen. Nobody likes pop ads, sure, but nobody hates adult pop ads either. So there. Good luck with your business model (no pun intended). Oh, and can you send us the URL to your website when it’s done?
6. Set Up A Pyramid Scheme
A Pyramid Scheme
Pyramid Schemes are tried-and-true methods of raking in the big dough through organized crime. Start with a small capital. Talk to a couple of gullible people you know, and get them to recruit a few more. Make sure the new ones talk to and recruit more gullible people and these must recruit even more gullible people under them, which shouldn’t be too hard since they’re all too gullible to tell the difference between 17 and barely legal in the first place. Before you know it, you’ve earned your first million, and the ones at the bottom of the pyramid are now wanted by the authorities.
5. Write A Computer Virus Then Hold The World Hostage
A computer with a virus
Love makes the world go round. What a load of &*$p! Nothing could be farther from the truth. People can’t live without computers these days, and the orbit of the moon is what really makes the world go round. So what happens if some kid, say, created a computer virus that could destroy every single piece of electronic equipment on the planet and threatens to send us all back to the Stone Age? I’ll bet we’ve got a very rich kid making the headlines the next day.
4. Make A Blockbuster Movie About Nothing
Directing a movie
Movies make a lot of money. In Hollywood, the average blockbuster rakes in around 100 million dollars! And that is just the average amount, what I’m talking about. That’s a hundred times more than what this list is aiming for in one year. So what is the director’s secret to success? Cheap thrills, sexy gorgeous ladies, and an entire junkyard full of giant robots hell-bent on burning the planet to a crisp. The robots are for the kids, the sexy gorgeous ladies in bikinis for the daddies. For the mommies, they need to work extra hard (at least two jobs during the day and another one nights) so their kids and husbands can go out and watch more movies.
3. Blackmail Your Boss
Your old Boss
Look around you in the office and guess who has the most money in his or her bank account? Your boss, of course. Now that I have your attention, isn’t it about time you get back on your boss for all those sleepless nights he or she’d caused you? What about that raise he promised you back in 1996? Well stop frettin’ and start askin’ sensible questions! Do you think your boss is gay and he’s having an affair with Fred? If your boss is in his 40s or 50s and single, do you think he’s using company funds to pay for… late night shows with Barbara Wetdownthere? One thing or the other, I’m sure your boss will do anything to keep these secrets a secret. Your move.
2. Hook Up With Britney Spears
The world’s not-so-hot mother of two is this list’s second hottest entry. Hooking up with Britney Spears - just imagine the possibilities. The PlayStation 3, at $600, is the most expensive console unit in gaming history. But you could probably buy one PlayStation 3 a day and not even come close to using up all of the pop princess’ spare change. So what do you think? Britney, not such a bad idea, eh?
1. Write A Book About It
Starting his story
You’re probably familiar with the saying, “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach.” This doesn’t apply at all in the industry of self-help books. You’ll be just fine so long as you can write proper sentences and know where full stops are placed. Apparently, people are willing to pay a lot for someone to tell them how to live their lives. So what we’re doing is just “milking the cow”. Simple as that.
What are you waiting for? The clock is ticking. Go earn your one million dollars and make your mommy proud (just don’t tell her how you did it).
But if you’ve got that much money, you better save the money for future use. You can save your money in the bank but be sure to know first the necessary Banking Informations on how to Improve your Banking Experience or, you can always Practice the virtue of Charity by helping the needy.