So much to do, so little time. So let’s get it on! Here are the top 10 things to do before you die.

10. Tell your boss to shove it up his or her @$$.

Talking to the boss

I know I just became the personal hero of millions of people out there. It’s sad to think that millions of employees spend five days a week taking $^*& from their bosses. You should know, if you belong to the working class. So before you die, please, do us all a favor and tell your boss what he or she deserves. Employees are people, too, especially the working poor. If there’s anyone who deserves respect, it’s them. Let’s finish with a slogan I saw on the Internet. It was written on a cheap paper carton, and the message stuck:

There comes a time when you should get rid of a bad boss. It could be up to you to teach your tyrant boss a lesson.

“We don’t need coins. We need change.”

9. See for yourself if the Earth is truly round.

Holding a globe

Let’s move on to something larger than life. Do you really, really believe that the Earth is round? Alright, I do too, but that’s beside the point. Why not go out there and see it for yourself? Go ahead. Prove it. Before you die, you can say you knew what it was like travel into Outer Space, see what your home really looks like, and experience brushing your teeth upside down. Just be prepared for some major jet lag when you get back.

8. Visit a Third World country.

Children from other country

It’s time to make a difference. If you’ve lived your whole life in an affluent city in Europe, it’s about time you step out of your comfort zone and confront reality in its most brutal form. People are hungry; no, famished. People are dying. People are being exploited, used, and reused. But the sad thing is the way these things happen for no good reason. People are dying simply because somebody wants them dead. At least, before you die, you will come face-to-face with what eight millenniums worth of civilization has become.

7. Run for Presidency (if you’re a Filipino).

Running for Presidency

You must posses pure Filipino citizenship. Must be at least 40 years of age. Must have incurred at least 10 years of residency That’s it. You don’t need to be able to write or even read to become a Filipino president. With these qualifications, it’s almost an insult not to run at least once. So let’s enumerate the benefits of being the President:

• You can put down a 9 PM curfew every Friday, just for the fun of it.
• Free gasoline.
• You can send your old neighbor’s mother to prison and get away with it. No questions asked.
• You can use the public toilet without standing in line. You can even tell the person inside to beat it if you’re in a hurry.
• You can borrow money from the Swiss Bank, then let the following six generations of Filipinos pay for it.

6. Join the circus.

A funny clown with big shoes

Why NOT join the circus? If you’re living a boring middle-class, middle-America life, the circus is a good place to vent some steam. You can exercise your impulsive instincts here all you want and not get a single understandable complaint from the lovely animals. If your real-life happens to catch up to your antics, be sure to introduce her to your good friend who is also a boa constrictor. Plus, you get to travel. Great!

5. Flaunt your "propertie."

Naked men covered in clay in a nude beach

There’s something vaguely alluring about the idea of exposing your “assets” when someone least expects it. Go out. Have fun. Great fun. At least when you’re lying on your deathbed you can look back and tell yourself that you did it. Just don’t go telling this story to your grandkids, though.

4. Rob a bank.

Robbering a man

This is the ultimate thrill. Why a bank? Because it has the highest chances of getting you arrested and having your teeth knocked out while you’re in prison. And you can prepare by watching a couple of heist movies first, just for the feel of it. Point Break, Heat and The Italian Job are all great choices. You can also go out and rent the classics if you want. Then it’s time to do it. But don’t get yourself killed in the process, or you won’t be able to finish the last three.

3. Say "I love you."

A very sweeet couple

This is number three, but it’s also the most important. Seriously, you need to tell him or her how you feel. I won’t go any further into this one. I don’t want to get you all teary-eyed on me or something. Take her to a quiet place, somewhere private. Take her hand, look her in the eyes, then say it, and say it well, as if your life depended on it. These three words are definitely some of the most romantic things to say.

2. Write a book about the 9 most outrageous things you did before you died

Writing my wonderful life

Then share it. Inspire others to do the same (rob a bank, become an exhibitionist, and join the circus). Share your success, share your life knowledge, share your secrets, share your mistakes. And lastly, share the nine most outrageous things you did in your life. Sure, maybe they aren’t as big as the ones listed here, but they’re still something you can take with you to the grave.

1. Play tag with a polar bear

Waiting for a playmate

Before you do this, please be sure you’re done with the first nine.

Goodnight.