Athletes are like rockstars. They command immediate media attention. So much so that coaches, general managers, and team owners (Mark Cuban, anyone?) are given considerable airtime. This is not surprising considering all the hype, money and fame that surround the sports world. Journalists hound these people for their comments and opinions to sell papers. Through the years, the world’s media vault has compiled countless of these sports quips from various personalities. Here are ten of the funniest:

1. “Left hand, right hand it doesn’t matter, I’m amphibious.”

- Charles Shackleford, in an interview while he was with North Carolina State University basketball team

Charles Shackleford, in the flesh

Now that’s an asset for any basketball team, a fish-like forward. Half-man/half-fool.

After his collegiate career, the 6 ft 10 in Shackleford was drafted by the New Jersey Nets in 1988 as the 32nd overall pick. He played the forward-center position for three other teams, Philadelphia 76ers, Minnesota Timberwolves and the Charlotte Hornets. None of these teams ever required waterman Charles to swim.

2. “We’re not attempting to circumcise the rules.”

- Bill Cowher, then coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers

Strict and tough: Bill Cowher

But who is?! Try circumcising laws for a change. They say it’s good for hygiene purposes.

Bill Cowher is a TV commentator for “The NFL Today”. He was the NFL Coach of the Year in 1992 and later led Pittsburgh to the championship in Superbowl XL. To this day it is not known whether Bill is actually circumcised or if the quote was in some sort of Freudian slip.

3. “Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious.”

- Alan Minter, professional boxer and former world champion

An autographed photo of Alan Minter

Oh yes Alan, and there are a lot of people buried in the cemetery, most of them dead. Quotes like this make you wonder if frequent blows to the head really do affect a boxer’s, uhmm, sense of humor?

Minter was the former middleweight champion of the world and a native of Crawley, England. He had also held the European middleweight championship and won a bronze medal in the 1972 Munich Olympic Games in Germany. He never represented Britain in chess, scrabble or any cerebral-specific competition, however.

4. “I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out.”

- Rodney Dangerfield

Rodney Dangerfield

Well there’s a similar story of a man who went to a steroid clinic and a baseball game broke out. It’s an eerie coincidence.

Dangerfield was a veteran American comedian who died in 2004. He was known for his signature line “I don’t get no respect.”

5. “(My) Career was sputtering until I made a 360 (degree turn) and got headed in the right direction.”

- NBA Star Tracy McGrady, after he had signed with the Orlando Magic

T-mac in a press interview

All those spinning moves and tomahawk dunks must have gotten dear old Tracy dizzy. He may not know his geometry, but his game’s amazing as hell.

McGrady is a 7-time All-Star and has been a scoring champ twice. McGrady skipped college and went to the NBA straight from high school in 1997, which probably explains his unfamiliarity with geometric elements.

6. “I am not allowed to comment on lousy officiating.”

- Jim Finks, the GM of the New Orleans Saints, when asked what he thought of referees after his team had lost a game

A photo of Jim Finks

We never talk badly about our lousy, stinkin’, stupid in-laws either…

Finks was a pro football player who later became the coach and general manager of three NFL teams, the last of which was the New Orleans Saints. He was inducted posthumously to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1995 after his death in 1994. Let’s all hope he doesn’t cross paths with an NFL referee in the afterlife.

7. “Because there are no fours.”

- Antoine Walker, NBA player, when asked why he shoots so many “threes” (three point shots)

Antoine Walker, back in his Celtics uniform

Walker was an All-Star player early in his career with the Boston Celtics. He has since won a championship in 2006 with Miami He was traded by the Heat to the Minnesota Timberwolves this season and is averaging career lows in all statistical departments. Keep on shooting those threes Antoine and you’ll be saying sayonara to the NBA soon.

8. “I don’t think there is a symbiotic relationship between a caddie and player like there is in golf.”

- Johnny Miller, pro golfer

Johnny Miller as a TV golf analyst

You just might have a point there Mr. Johnny Miller. WHERE ELSE will you be able to find a caddie and a player, the wrestling ring?

Miller is an American who was one of the top PGA Tour golfers in the 1970’s. He won the US Open in 1973 and the British Open in 1976, which makes him an authority in this game involving a “caddie and a player”. He is now is a TV golf analyst.

9. “I’m tired of hearing about money,money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi and wear Reebok.”

- Shaquille O’ Neal

Shaq wearing his new Suns uniform

Clever, sarcastic Shaq. At least we have not gotten tired of hearing about athletes complaining how miserable it is to be a pro athlete playing sports for a living, getting all those endorsements, having contracts the size of a third world country’s income. We haven’t gotten tired of all this. But it’s simply infuriating to see such an athlete get out of shape, not play hard AND complain. They owe our collective pockets for their sinfully gargantuan mansions anyway.

O’Neal is the iconic NBA superstar center of the Miami Heat. He was NBA MVP in 2000 and has won four championships. Today, Shaq’s career is on a down slide, injuries left and right, age catching up on him and his team is on a losing streak. But hey, at the end of the day, he still gets to drive his fleet of luxury cars home to his luxurious mansions. Not bad for a man on a “decline”.

10. “Tom.”

- then Houston Couch Tom Nissalke, when asked how he pronounced his name, after becoming the new coach of the Houston Rockets

A black and white photo of Tom Nissalke

Sports journalists should be more specific. Maybe they are purposely confusing innocent sportsmen with challenging questions like “How do you pronounce your name?”. Shape up fools.

Nissalke is a former NBA coach in the 70’s and 80’s and is the only one to win Coach of the Year honors both in the NBA and the defunct ABA. He still answers to his first name Tom.

People watch sports for entertainment. That’s why they pay good money to see all those games or fights. When these athletes and other personalities provide amusement outside of the sport, like by giving these hilarious answers, fans get a welcome free treat.

Athletes uses different quotes to catche media’s attention. It’s just like the Announcers uses Clitches not just to avoid dead air but aslo to make the game more interesting and fun to watch.