Top Ten Reasons Socks Disappear from the Dryer

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Posted on December 27th, 2007


The Dyer
A kid looking for his socks
What thievery! You put all your newly washed clothes in your dryer, including your favorite pair of neon orange glow-in-the-dark toe socks, only to discover upon your return that one of them is missing! You search everywhere for that single sock, the toes on your left foot turning blue from the Christmas cold. You look under the fridge, on the balcony, inside the Christmas ham and under the sleeping baby—all to no avail. Alas, your search has led you nowhere and you’re still a sock poorer.

The next morning, you put a new load of laundry inside your dryer. You think twice before putting another pair of socks inside the coughing and rattling machine. Half an hour later, you discover your clothes are still damp and another sock is missing! You ask yourself, why is your dryer making all those noises, why are your clothes still wet ,and more importantly, who would be foolish enough to take mismatched socks?

Now is the time for thorough investigation. A lost sock is never a lost cause until the time you decide to surrender. The following shows the top ten reasons behind mysteriously vanishing socks. Let this list be your guide when it comes to finding your sock-stealing culprit.

1. Blame the Aliens

Alien
The snatcher of your socks
People start disappearing, babies get abducted and now socks go missing? Aliens seem to be enamored with human life and seeing this, they’ll stop at nothing until they completely understand the purpose of each and every item created by man.

Unable to understand the purpose of socks, aliens are now taking different “samples” from various households. Experiments include the use of shock therapy, water submersion tactics and dissection. These extraterrestrial creatures will stop at nothing to find the true “essence” behind socks.

 

(Track them down by following the 11 Ways To Spot A UFO.)

2. Christmas Stocking-Shortage: Santa’s Helpers Gone Bad

Just because they’re Christmas elves doesn’t mean they’re good all the time.

An Elf
One of the elves
Every Christmas season, socks begin to disappear regularly up until the 27th of December. Coincidence? Not really. Santa’s Little Helpers could be the culprits behind your disappearing socks.

Due to the hectic schedule and work demands given by Santa during the Christmas holidays, his little helpers have no time to knit Christmas stockings of their own. How are they supposed to receive gifts now? Without proper monetary compensation, Santa’s elves are forced to steal socks instead. Neon socks are particularly popular with elves due to their attention-grabbing quality.

3. A Lovely New Dress for Thumbelina

Thumbelina
An illustration of Thumbelina
Thumbelina’s dreams of becoming the miniature version of Cinderella can now be realized, thanks to the help of your mismatched socks. Lilliputians hiding inside your dryer may be benefiting from your neon-colored toe socks right now. Instead of hiring an exterminator and hunting down these tiny beings, consider this Christmas virtue: charity.

If by summer you’re still experiencing the mysterious disappearance of your socks, let this be your “go signal” to start spraying every corner of your house with insecticide. Set up traps and lure these tiny people in with false promises of properly tailored clothing.

4. Taken by the Sock-Puppet Master

Puppet Master
The Puppet Master
Creating sock puppets is an art form and the sock puppet-master will surely agree. It takes long hours of work to be able to create the perfect puppet from polyester. Always in need of unique textures and colors for his giant collection, the sock puppet-master is now in cahoots with various tumble dryer manufacturers on the market.

Manufacturers insert hidden tubes inside your dryer. This contraption separates socks from other articles of clothing. Socks are then teleported to the sock puppet-master’s lair where he creates strange puppets from his collection of used socks.

5. The Evolution of Socks

Evolution of socks
Socks that turned into scarves
You may have lost a sock but you might have gained a new dress in the process. While man and the rest of the plants and animals have the capacity to evolve, let’s not discount the fact that perhaps inanimate socks can also be transformed into something new.

The heat from your dryer urges the sensitive fiber of your sock’s fabric to begin expanding and the constant tumbling around in the dryer results in the sock’s stretching and change of shape. Constantly being exposed to this type of treatment can help transform your sock into hats, scarves, dresses or half-completed shawls.

6. The Revenge of the Garden Gnome

Garden Gnome
German Garden Gnome
Most people who experience losing their socks are proud owners of garden gnomes. These garden gnomes are left in the cold during winter, left to crack and peel once summer begins. Even gnomes have their limits, and once your gnome decides to play a trick on you, you’re bound to discover different small objects missing from your home.

Socks are a particular favorite because gnomes also use their soft fabric to create their fuzzy cone-shaped hats. Aside from socks, garden gnome trickeries have been known to include disappearing keys, rings and wigs.

7. Redefining Foot Fetish

While some people may have the foot fetish, there are some individuals who are perfectly content with hoarding tons of used socks.

Foot Fetish
Used black sock
These miscreants go from house to house and sift through laundry just to find the most attractive socks available.

Some used and mismatched socks are sold in vending machines, much like the infamous “used panty vending machines” in Japan. It’s a very lucrative business venture and is slowly gaining popularity in different countries around the world.

 

(If you or you know someone suffering from this time to learn How To Get Rid Of Fetish.)

8. Kidnapped by Rebellious Sock Puppets

Sock Puppet
Cat Puppet
Sock puppets brought to life by the magical hands of the sock puppet-master have just started a revolt against their creator. The reasons for this insurrection are unknown, but it might have something to do with their atrocious designs. The sock puppets have now resolved to kidnap their “comrades” before the sock puppet-master starts turning them into walking, talking sock minions.

9. Socks! The New Prevention for Cancer

Cancer prevention
Making a socks breakfaast
If you have missing socks, chances are, it has something to do with the recent scientific findings that eating socks along with pureed bitter gourd can greatly decrease your chances of developing cancer. It’s highly possible your housekeeper or your own husband has been taking your socks and frying them for breakfast.

10. Sock-Eating Dryer: The Reason for Rattling

Once the dryer starts rattling, you know it’s time to call a repairman.

Electric Dryer
An old clothes dryer
Sitting through the process of dryer repair, your handyman of choice chuckles as he fishes out a mangled neon-orange toe sock and a vibrant green sock. The first reason behind missing socks? Your dryer ate it.

Next time your dryer starts malfunctioning and garments begin to disappear as if sucked in by a vortex, check inside your dryer. It’s possible the fabric just snagged or got stuck inside the appliance.

To prevent the loss of your socks, make sure you install security cameras near your dryer. A watchdog would also be a great help when it comes to keeping vigilant.

 

(If you follow the steps on How To Get Rid Of Clutter not even a single sock will ever lose.)




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