Your friends have finally persuaded you to go on a blind date, even though the idea of meeting and spending time and money on someone a girl that you’ve just met is unbearable. After much coaxing, you reluctantly agree. It’s just one night, right? So, after polishing your shoes, pressing your pants, and donning your best shirt, you set out to meet your date.

You wish you didn’t. She’s totally NOT your type. She’s loud, obnoxious and rude. As soon as you sit across from her at the restaurant all you want to do is bolt out. Run. Run as fast as you can.

Of course, there’s no escaping this predicament. You’re already in your seat. The best you can do is to make sure that the night ends quickly and that it never, ever happens again. How are you going to do this? Well, the best way would be to gross her out.

There are about a million ways on how you can gross out a girl, but remember that since you’re in a posh restaurant, you need to be as subtle as possible.

Here are top ten best ways on how to gross out your date. Try them and see if they’ll work for you!

10. Open Wide!: Chew with your mouth open.

This is a classic, gross out move. As soon as your plate arrives, grab your fork, and start shoving mounds of food into your mouth. Chew enthusiastically, with a large wide smile, while telling her all about your fantastic vacation in Thailand.

Make sure she’s got a front seat view of the chewing and gnashing action inside your oral cavities. Show her your food, tongue, teeth, everything. If you’re lucky, she’ll immediately lose her appetite, which is great, because it’ll mean you can eat her share.

Extra tip 1: While chewing, make sure you majestically spray her with bits of food and spit.

Extra tip 2: You can also try drinking water with your mouth open. Of course, you’ll risk drenching and ruining your new shirt, but hey, if it works, why not think of it as a little sacrifice, right?

9. Idle Hands: Pocket anything that’s on the table.

While the waiter is away and while she’s talking animatedly, look at her in the eye (seriously, so that she’ll know you mean business), then place a finger on your lips, saying “Shhhh…”. Look around you, as if checking if you’re being watched, then slowly reach out and quickly swipe whatever small item is on the table; it can be the salt and pepper shakers, the bread knife, and even the bread rolls themselves.

Place them in your bag quickly, and then sit back as if nothing happened. Smile at her, and then say casually, “You were saying..?”

Extra tip 1: Coax your blind date to steal her utensils, her plate and her soup bowl. If she refuses, say in an unnaturally loud voice, “Oh don’t be a sissy! Your bag’s far larger than mine, of course that plate will fit!”

Extra tip 2: Of course, you’ll need to be careful with this move since the waiter might catch you and get you in big trouble.

8. Keep that gas coming!: Burp.

Yes, that glorious squelching sound! No girl can ever stand a guy who belches out loudly. This is a fairly easy gross out move. All you need to do is gather some gas in your stomach, then let it out. Burp.

Burp after you finish your meal, burp while you’re asking a question, and burp while answering one of her questions. Ask her is she’s got a song request, and that you’ll gladly burp it out for her.

Extra tip 1: If she’s trying to get intimate with you, go for it. Then, while she’s slowly moving closer, burp out loud in her face. You might get slapped, but it’s just a little pain anyway, so go for it!

Extra tip 2: If you want to try out something more disgusting, try farting instead of burping. Let it out loud and proud! Of course, there are much graver drawbacks that you can experience from this, like receiving annoyed and disgusted looks from the other guests and the restaurant management.

7. Every Morsel Counts: Bring a doggy bag.

While you’re in the middle of a meal, nonchalantly take out a brown paper bag (the grimier, the better), and start scraping food from your plate and place it inside the bag. When she asks what you’re doing, tell her that your poor little dog is dying of hunger back home. Get as much food as you can. Pretend nothing happened when you’re finished.

Extra tip 1: Get some food from her plate as well, with or without her permission.

Extra tip 2: Instead of saying that it’s for your dog, tell her that it’s for your girlfriend.

6. Blind Date Soup /Pasta Etiquette: Slurp.

This gross out tactic will only work if you ordered soup or pasta for dinner. Start slurping as soon as your dish arrives. If you’re dining on soup, grab your spoon, scoop as much as you can, then slurp it with relish. If you’re eating pasta, slurp the noodles one by one. Make sure the slurping sound is loud enough for your blind date to hear.

Extra tip 1: While you’re slurping your soup, pretend that you’ve got something in your throat, and then let out a large cough. If it’s your lucky day, the soup will spill on your date’s plate. If you’re really lucky, it’ll end up all over her face.

Extra tip 2: Do you know the noodle trick, where you eat a noodle, then let it come out of your nose? If you know how to do it, perform it for her. For an additional gross out point, eat the noodle that came out your nose.

5. If the shoe stinks: Wear your smelliest, rattiest shoes.

On a normal, much anticipated date, you’ll usually wear your best attire and best shoes to impress the girl, but since this is a special case, you should use your special shoes!

No, not the black, shiny ones you wear to formal events, but rather, the ones you haven’t washed for a long time–the stinky, dirtiest shoes that you own, the ones that smell like something died in them. When your blind date asks you where the smell is coming from, pretend that you don’t know, or worse, say that the stink comes from her.

If this doesn’t work, don’t worry. At least she won’t get to eat properly.

Extra tip 1: Remember that scene in the movie White Chicks, when Marlon Wayans raised his feet onto the table to annoy his date? Do the same.

Extra tip 2: While eating, take off your shoe. Raise it to your nose and say, “Oh, so this is where the stench is coming from.”

4. Saying Grace: Pray in your own unique way.

It’s only proper to say a prayer before mealtimes, right? Well, here’s one unique and freaky tactic that you can use for your blind date. When the food arrives and your date is about to dig in her meal, reach out a hand to her and look at her in the eye.

In a serious voice, tell her that you’re part of a secret, underground religious cult, and that it’s part of your tradition to say grace before meals. Then, place your hands over the food, close your eyes, and say a prayer in complete gibberish. Make sure your voice is loud and that your face stays serious so that you’ll be very believable.

Extra tip 1: When she asks you what the prayer means, say (in a mysterious voice) that it’s a secret, but she’ll feel the effects after she eats her food.

Extra tip 2: As part of your prayer, stand up and chant. Move around the table, while waving your hands frantically around.

3. The Pinocchio Complex: Lie about yourself.

No, you don’t have to lie about your age, your address, your social status, or your school. That’s too unimaginative. Instead, lie about random facts about yourself.

Make up unique and weird situations that will surely freak her out. For example, you once ate a live chicken, or that you’re clairvoyant. Tell her that you can see a dark figure standing close to her. Make sure you put on a straight face so she’ll be convinced.

Extra tip 1: Freaky made-up stories about your psychological health work well. Tell her you were once confined to a mental institution. Whisper that it’s a secret, and if she tells anyone–(leave that thought hanging).

Extra tip 2: You can also make up stories about your family or your roots. For example, say that you’re Greek, even if you aren’t, and say in a matter-of-fact voice, “If we’ll get married, you’ll have to become Greek too, okay?”

2. Be Nosy: Ask her VERY personal questions

Do you know that girls like to learn juicy secrets, but hate disclosing her own? If that’s the case, then this tactic will surely annoy her. Ask her about very personal stuff. Not just about her family or her life, but also dark, “naughty” secrets, like how many sexual partners has she been with? Have she ever had an AIDS test, and what was the result? Feel free to ask away anything that’s on your mind, no matter how lewd or naughty they may be.

Extra tip 1: Be extra persistent. If she won’t answer a question, keep pestering her throughout the meal about it, until she’s forced to answer. When she does, raise your voice, so that the people at the table nearest you would hear (“What, you slept with 20 guys last week??!").

Extra tip 2: If she still won’t answer your “naughty” questions, smile knowingly, and say “You, kinky player, you!” Wink.

1. The Scrooge Complex: Never pick up the tab

This is probably the most annoying act that can gross any girl out since it’s considered a sign of respect and sincerity when a guy picks up the tab. So the next time you go out on a blind date, refuse to pick up the tab.

When the waiter brings it, stare at it for a while. Look at her expectantly. If she asks why you’re not getting the tab, tell her that it’s a blind date, and you didn’t ask her out at all. Coax her to pay the bill in full. Never concede to splitting or even paying for your share. If she complains, give her a revolted look, then walk out in a huff.

Extra tip 1: Make a scene. Say in a loud voice that she said that she’d pay earlier, and that she ate a lot of food and kept ordering anyway.

Extra tip 2: When the meal’s about to end, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. Go home instead. She’ll have no choice but to pay the bill.

A nice blind date should be treated well, but if you get stuck with an annoying one, feel free to use these suggestions to get rid of her. Hopefully, they’ll all work well for you. So go out, be merry and enjoy the night!